LIFE’S ABOUT STORIES

 

An individual's life unfolds as a story. It is filled with many plots, sub-plots, characters and themes. When things go well, the individual learns to reflect on life's story, interpret and reinterpret, and maybe even steer in more meaningful directions.

However, there are times when a story gets stuck. Or, it gets in a circular track, repeating itself over and over. Getting stuck in one’s story can be very destructive. The good news calls us forward into a story of wholeness and life.

The Center for Growth & Healing helps people search for hope in the midst of life's stories.

 

For more information contact Joe Luther at the Center for Growth & Healing. (704) 795-5559.

 

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BEING MARRIED

 

In fairy tales people get married and live happily ever after. In real life things happen differently. Marriages have particular characteristics along their developmental paths. Couples experience falling in love, sharing the depths of their souls, disillusionment, finding each other again, drifting apart, and reuniting.

 

Some have likened marriage to a pressure cooker that pushes the participants to stretch and grow in their capacity to love and care for the other as well as the self. Change is difficult for all of us. Most of us won’t change unless we have to. Marriage has a way of making us have to.

 

Good marriages have not only love, but also a healthy balance of togetherness and separateness. Finding the balance, which is forever changing, can be difficult. We can help.

 

For more information contact Joe Luther at the Center for Growth & Healing. (704) 795-5559.

 

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FAMILIES AND CHANGE

 

Families hate change, but they, of course, are always changing. Persons enter families by birth, adoption, marriage, and occasionally just by friendship. Persons exit families by death, divorce, and sometimes just by running away.

 

When families change anxiety rises and change is resisted. Some times symptoms develop. Marital difficulties develop. School grades decline. Behavior problems at home and at school may develop. Negotiating change can be quite difficult for families at times.

 

Pastoral counselors with training in family counseling help families negotiate the rapids of life's changes. We can help.

 

For more information contact Joe Luther at the Center for Growth & Healing.  (704) 795-5559.

 

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STRESS MANAGEMENT BY LIFE MANAGENMENT

 

“I never seem to have enough time.”

“There’s too much month left over at the end of the money.”

“There just isn’t enough of me to go around.”

“Exercise! Who has time for exercise?”

 

Stress is abundant these days. Many people are stretched to the limit in terms of money, time, and energy. One might ask, “How do we get into such messes?” It’s no doubt that our society requires much of us. Yet, I suspect that much of our stress is self-induced and brought about by our pushing the limits and by our not having adequate protective boundaries for ourselves.

 

Stress comes about when we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves and then can’t live with the results. When life gets out of control we tend to get stressed. Of course we can’t control all of life. Life has a way of doing what it wants to do. Yet when we consistently push ourselves to the limit, we don’t have any reserve (money, time, energy) for the hard times.

 

Much stress can be avoided by better life management. We can help.

 

For more information contact Joe Luther at the Center for Growth & Healing. (704) 795-5559.

 

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VACATION  +  FAMILY  = WHAT?????

 

The dream is that a vacation is what families live for -- fun for all -- right? That's what we thought. Then we bought the tent. Then it rained. Then I jumped into the tent to get out of the rain, and then I put my bare foot in the Brunswick stew. Then my two-year old showed me how he could run his finger down the side of the tent and make it rain inside! Then I screamed!

 

Every year families get stressed out on vacation. We're not used to all that much fun & togetherness. The schedules, diets, and rules are different. The expectations are high. The stage is set for family & individual stress.

 

Can family vacations be fun? I think so. Here are some suggestions:

1) Let everyone talk about expectations before leaving.

2) Realize that with increased togetherness the potential for conflict will be higher. Allow time to be alone or with just one or two others.

3) Take every one's age and needs into consideration, i.e., break up long trips when small children are involved.

4) Don't push so hard. Sometimes less can be better.

5) Focus more on relationships and less on accomplishments.

 

Have a good vacation !

 

For more information contact Joe Luther at the Center for Growth & Healing.  (704) 795-5559.

 

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Holidays

 

Holidays can bring mixed feelings. For some they are wonderful. They may include visits, phone calls, cards, gifts from and to relatives and friends. They can be a time of deep spiritual meaning and celebration. For some, holidays  can stir memories of times past and can be the occasion for great celebration.

 

For others they can be quite painful and lonely. They may remind persons of brokenness in and distance from family. They may be painful reminders of what used to be and stir the depths of grief. Others may be away form home and have to spend the holiday alone. This can be quite lonely.

 

We have an excellent opportunity to minister during the holidays. Visits to those in your community who are alone, notes to those away from home, invitations to share in celebrations - all these go a long way toward offering community to those who are alone.

 

For more information contact Joe Luther at the Center for Growth & Healing.  (704) 795-5559.

 

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When Marriage Needs to Change

As a marriage moves through time various factors impact it, children, work responsibilities, friendships, the growth of the individual partners, pressures from parents, financial stresses - the list goes on and on. Additionally, the needs of the partners change.

Because of these various influences there come times in most any given marriage when, if it is to continue as a meaningful relationship, the marriage itself needs to change. If the partners can negotiate such a transition, the marriage can move on to a new level of intimacy and meaningfulness. If the partners cannot negotiate the change the marriage either gets stuck in a rut or it ends. Either can be very destructive to the partners, children, and other family members.

The gospel informs us that God loves us and that God calls us to deepen our capacities to love one another. An alternative to a marital rut or divorce is marriage counseling where spiritual values are respected. A pastoral counselor can help couples work with marital difficulties, stretch their capacity to love, and move toward the kind of loving relationship that God desires for us.

 

For more information contact Joe Luther at the Center for Growth & Healing.  (704) 795-5559.

 

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Beyond the Symptom

 

 

I had just gotten to sleep. And then I heard it.

 

“Chirp.” –long pause- “Chirp.”

 

“I’ll just ignore it. Maybe it will go away.”

 

“Chirp.”

 

Now I was fully awake and had decided that it wasn’t going away, I had to get up and find out what it was.

 

“Chirp.”

 

I went in the direction of sound, out into the hallway. It sounded again, this time right over my head.

 

“Chirp.”

 

It was the smoke detector and the battery was going bad so it was warning me: “Give me a new battery or I won’t be here when you need me.” So I replaced the battery. I wanted my smoke detector to be there when I needed. And I wanted to go back to sleep. Just think of all the lives that have been saved by smoke detectors and other alarm systems!

 

God has created us with various alarm systems. We call them headaches, stomachaches, fever, rashes, hives, and other names. These symptoms are important to us. They warn us.. They tell us, “You have an infection.” Or, “You ate too much.” Or, “You’re sensitive to poison ivy.” Or, “You overworked.” Anxiety, depression, marital and other relationship difficulties, etc., are also symptoms. They tell us that something is wrong and needs our attention. There is a sense in which symptoms, painful an annoying as they are, are our friends. They are gifts that God has given us to help us survive and have better lives.

 

Yet, in our day of the “quick fix” it is so tempting to just want to get rid of the symptom and ignore the cause. Just turn off the alarm. Just take a pill. And, often this can be very helpful. There’s nothing wrong with good medication. At other times it’s important to look beyond the symptom – to ask the questions, “What is this symptom trying to tell me.” Is my depression “just a chemical imbalance” or is it signaling me that something in my life needs attention?” The same questions could be raised about anxiety, relationship difficulties, stress, children acting out, affairs, etc. What is the symptom trying to tell me?

 

Pastoral counseling is about more than just reducing symptoms. It is curious about the meaning of things. It wants to know about the roots of a symptom. It sees symptoms as important expressions of life that need to be understood. Pastoral counseling invites a person to look beyond the symptom.

 

Basic to Pastoral Counseling’s looking beyond the symptoms are it’s basic assumptions about life. It takes a holistic and contextual approach to life. It understands that the pieces of life are connected. It asks the question, “What does your faith have to say to you in the midst of these symptoms?” Symptoms as not isolated experiences, disconnected from the rest of life. They are part of the fabric of life. They are our life-saving, God-given alarm systems that warn us that something needs our attention.

 

“Chirp.”

 

For more information contact Joe Luther at the Center for Growth & Healing.  (704) 795-5559.

 

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